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Abhyasi Name: Sri.
G. Srinivasa Raju
Abhyasi ID : 487
Practicing Since: 31 Oct 1996
1st day
Date: 23/12/06
Thoughts about the goal of life came after morning meditation.
A feeling that I am one among the nature, each and everything in nature has its due importance and it should be respected as Divine expression.
A thought that I am in God and God is in me and struggling how to feel it.
There are spells of silence with intermittent thoughts of worse related (very little) and about father, who is in hospital (sometimes).
A thought that nothing will stop in my absence Divine takes care of appropriately.
Deep silence experienced in the afternoon (around 3.00P.M.)
A conflicting thought between goal of life and materialistic goals. Settled with an answer to tackle it by prioratisation.
Felt like I should work for materialistic goals but leave the result to the God.
A thought that I should see a Divine relationship in every area of work.
A question araised, in spite of knowing the goal of life why am I not practicing the method given by Master assiduously?
Why am I not feeling the urgency in moving closed to the God?
I felt like changing the priorities to do the practice.
When I was looking at the sky, though I am insignificant under this sky, somewhere that I is significant. Felt like I should purify myself in the service to the Master.
2nd Day: 24.12.2006:
During morning meditation many disjointed thoughts were coming thoughts of whether I have done right things related to company? How do people think about it?
Morning meditation: 6.05 to 6.55 am
There is a spell of silence.
While contemplations on silence after the meditation; felt like to be in the company of silence. A thought that all the thought and our role in the world are transitory in nature. Do the work in present. This thought is strong
During forenoon I am able to relax with lot of silence majority of time very few thoughts were coming and do not remember them.
During noon meditation I am attentive and resting. Some thoughts were coming but insignificant.
A thought that I should attend work and return to silence whenever possible during routine work activities.
Afternoon is disturbed with some thoughts related to work. Contemplation on silence was very difficult.
Thought of how I should implement regular Sadhana by changing priorities and habits.
3rd Day: 25.12.2006
Last night I had dream on 3 subjects.
a) I am catching something in water seaside). Something pulled me inside and I was struggling to come out.
b) I was dancing with some lady.
c) My father is discharged from the hospital and at home.
During morning meditation I was attentive waiting for silence. Some calmness at the end.
I observed that there is inner struggle to get some silence by arresting the thoughts since yesterday afternoon.
I felt I am not allowing the thoughts naturally. I decided to observe whatever thoughts come.
I felt a little ease some thoughts related to distant relatives came. Most of the time I was drowsy (either because of food or sinus).
Unable to meditate. It slipped my mind to do noon meditation since I was sleeping.
After noon I am a bit relaxed. Accepting thoughts as it comes.
A feeling that things are transitory and keep moving as a duty I should plan for targets and act. This is to counter my brooding nature over things to do and procrastination.
Felt like learning lessons out of short comings and work on it, rather than thinking of negative or short faller results.
Conclusion:
Tasted silence. Felt like to be in the company of silence.
Silence distances all fears. Live and act in present. Past and future are bringing fears.
Follow Sadhana assiduously to be closes to the God or silence. Be dependent on the Master and in service to the Master.
Om.
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